if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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