The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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