True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
