Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
