Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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