I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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