i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
