My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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