i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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