If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
