You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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