you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
