Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
