i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
