what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
