remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
