I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
