We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dear god my vagina.
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