She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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