Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
