last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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