i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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