and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All I want is dick and wine.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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