he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
