my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
