I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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