Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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