She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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