You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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