Apparently you make a good broom.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
