Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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