Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
