I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
