found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
