Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
