break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
