Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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