Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
