he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sext me about skeletons
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
