about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
