you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
