Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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