Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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