Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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