he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
