Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
