someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
