I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
