I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
