oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
