God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
