He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
either way he was missing a nipple.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
