I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
