There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
