I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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