i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
